Have you ever wanted to be original so badly you decide to hang a bread toaster above the foot of your bed, or heat your soup with a hairdryer?

Have you ever considered the moral implications of teleportation?

Have you ever looked at your face in the mirror and thought about how many people are in the world, and how you’re just another one of them?

Have you ever thought being special was overrated?


You are not alone.

I Have Three Toasters and Don’t Toast Bread (NOT a Cookbook) is a science fiction satire about what happens when originality becomes impossible, when environmental concerns are taken too far, and when people buy mattresses from the moon.

It features characters including:

Robert Knot: An immortal math teacher from the planet mud, who randomly teleports objects out of people’s houses. It’s for science.

Rachel Mew: An “extra” ordinary girl who loves romance stories and has self-image problems.

Her friend, Maria Higgins: Maria would like to destroy the universe because no one’s ever succeeded in doing so before.

Josh: A young man who refuses to do anything he doesn’t consider “original.” He’s also an introvert.

His friend, Brandon: Brandon is happy with who he is, and gets lots of speeding tickets because he won’t use cruise control. He’s an extrovert.

And of course, Telena: A malfunctioning teleportation machine.

Warning: About reading this book—if you cannot stand bad jokes, then you’d better sit down.

Now Available For Purchase on Amazon!